Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Bucket List!

Have you ever been around someone who's reasonably funny...but tries to be hilarious?

It's a dreadful sight. Really, it reminds me of Bill Bellamy's standup comedy career. You know...great in select spots but not terribly enthralling otherwise. Bill's the type of comedian that will entertain you up until the commercial break, but one that you probably won't come back to after flipping to that new Randy Jackson dance show that's all the rage with the tweens. Bill Bellamy's career's like a movie that gets released in select cities. The producers basically need to host a trial run before they pony up for the full project.

In short, Bill Bellamy's a Made-for-TV kind of talent. He's perfect for MTV, but not NBC. He's great for the voice of Cousin Skeeter, but not for Getting Played. He's where Carson Daly's career should've been about four years ago.

And that's kind of how my writing comes off after a long hiatus. Funny enough for you to read before class, not funny enough to hold up your Saturday afternoon plans. Funny enough for you to publicly acknowledge me on the supermarket checkout line, but not funny enough for you to yell "Mike, you are SOOOOO funny!!!!!!" from the other side of Howard's Yard.

Trust me, I've been working at curtailing the horrendous. Literally, it took me about forty-five minutes to write those first four paragraphs. I even edited out a Bill Bellamy rant that I thought would go over well but just read terribly. Why? I'm rusty.

I'm embarrassed right now. I feel like Space Ace...once he turns into Dexter. Or, Space Ghost; without his armbands. Or worse yet, like Daniel Ewing when he's asked to guard Kobe on the wing without any help defense. Yikes.

In today's world, it's tough to be a respectable writer. For every Toni Morrison book that strikes the New York Times' list, there's another thirty titles released in "street lit". How can the Internet-age writer engage this ever-changing audience? How do we keep our writing from ending up in Craig Ferguson's opening monologue? How do we keep you, the reader, remotely caring about writing that's trapped in this terrible Facebook font? We can't just sit back and hyperlink to funny asides all day. You might not come back.

As Americans, we don't even have the patience anymore to sit down and hold a five-minute conversation with someone about something that doesn't involve us, let alone read a newspaper that screams "Old" as soon as we grab it off the newsstand. Heck, the classic "What's black and white and red all over?" joke won't even have the same comedic effect in ten years.

So, should I stop writing? Nah, it's just way too enjoyable for me. There's nothing better than seeing a well-timed "Zing!" in print that makes you giggle uncontrollably for twenty seconds. I am a writer, and as a writer, I must write. And yes, that IS the worst sentence you've even seen me construct in my four year history. I chalk that one up to the rust.

On the other hand, the end of my college career is quickly approaching. They don't know it yet, but I plan on submitting like three articles for the Hilltop's sports section before they shut operations down for the year. As my boy Ray Bignall would say, it's officially time to do the most. Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a great four years at Howard...and I want to end college on a high note.

I definitely made the right decision to come here.

Because I want to hang with as many of you as possible, I've decided to devise a BUCKET LIST! Yup, just like the movie, these are the things that NEED to take place before I die graduate. Feel free to add to this initial list in the comments.

- A Spring Thing 2009
- Play a game of pick-up football with friends
- Play two games of pick-up basketball with friends
- Check out some of the Smithsonian museums (preferably, African Art and Air & Space)
- Have a Video Game Tourney/Day (Halo, Street Fighter IV, Nintendo, NBA 2K9, whatever)
- One breakfast and one lunch/dinner in the Blackburn Cafe (like frosh year)
- Visit Adams Morgan Zoo
- See a Nationals' Game at new ballpark
- Capitals' playoff game
- Wizards' playoff game (just kidding, HAHAHAHA)
- McCormick and Schmidt's (cheap Tues/Thurs meal)
- Chill out day/night on the Yard (on bleachers like frosh year)
- Watch a playoff basketball game at the ESPNZONE
- Do a movie night/game night scenario

- Go one-on-one against J-Till in basketball, even if I end up getting owned
- Have a RockBand 2 "Battle of the Bands" somewhere

- Spades...period.

- Visit Wheaton Mall for the first time
- Get an ice cream cone from Maggie Moo's
- Record me dunking a basketball in HU's gym
- See X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May 1st)

So, if you want to be down, you can be down. Let me know your availability, some possible dates/times for doing this stuff, and your own suggestions!

I look forward to seeing Graduation Celebration 2009!


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