Monday, June 23, 2008

Jackson Has His Phil as Allen Burns Sas-usage in Kobe's Kitchen

"Dagger!" my dad yelled at the TV while my kid brother and I sat staring at the increasingly annoying Yukon Denali commercial in disbelief.

"Ray Allen just put the Vu-Ya-Shake on Sasha Vujacic."

Indeed, after Kobe had taken the ball to the rack and gotten fouled, after Derek Fisher had drained another clutch jumper to cut the Celtic lead down to 3, we saw what I can only classify as the Sa-sha Shake.

"Ray Allen did a tappity-tap, shake-and-back on Sasha from SLOW-venia!" my dad exclaimed as I watched Eddie House sink two dagger free throws to end the Lakers' hopes for a comeback.

And that pretty much ends the Lakers' chances at grabbing the championship this year. Wow, and wow.

Folks, you have just missed the "wow" game of this year's NBA playoffs.

For those of you on the East Coast that decided to hit the sack last night after seeing the Lake Show jump out to a 24 point lead in the second quarter, you probably made the biggest mistake of your NBA lives. Two hours ago, I was pumping my fist harder than O.J. was after he got the "not-guilty" call from the jury in his murder trial back in 1995. After the Jewish sensation that is Jordan Farmar hit a NBA JAM three-pointer to stretch the lead at the buzzer ending the first-half, I was certain that the Lakers were on their way to tying up the series.

But then, Pierce hit an unusual jumper. Then KG...POSTED UP...and scored. Eddie House (the guy who ESPN's Bill Simmons' has been screaming should get playing time) knocks down a shot, P.J. Brown caps off the run with a ferocious dunk and suddenly...Boston is only down 2 at the end of the third quarter.

It's game time.

From that point at the end of the third quarter, the Lakers just looked nervous. Though Phil coolly responded that Lady Momentum was going to swing back in his team's favor in his mid-half interview with Michelle Tafoya, I wasn't sold. I could already see the backs of some chairs in the Staples Center, probably left vacant by some fair-weather actor trying to promote his new movie (Hancock), or some well-versed white singer. Justin, in the NBA Finals...that just isn't justified.

Meanwhile on the court, the Lakers began to panic. The rhythmic sounds of swishing nets in the forum was replaced by a chorus of clangs, gasps, and my absolute favorite, doinks. The artistic five-on-five display that I'd grown accustomed to seeing from the Lakers was usurped by an anarchist rebel (Kobe) that attempted to snatch victory from the rejuvenated Celtic bunch. Unfortunately for the city of Los Angeles, Fake M.J. was unable to avoid becoming a footnote in the Celtics' greatest comeback performance in NBA history.

(Shhh...that sound you hear is the plethora of bandwagon fans jumping ship)

Uh, Sasha...you left your ankles at the free-throw line.
Might want to go pick 'em up patna.

Mike Benjamin, II

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