All Dogs Go To Heaven

My Mom told me never to talk to strangers. But I had to break the rule this one time. New York City was buzzing, all of the heels of his decision to rip apart our unusually flaccid defense.

Plus, I wasn't talking to one person in particular. My sordid cheers were being transmitted to the entire world.

MICHAEL VICK HAS RETURNED.

A simple tweet, no? I had it resting in my queue, but declined to share it with the masses. It was too straightforward, too easy, too matter-of-fact. What's the point of adding more junk food to an online society craving fiber? Of course he's playing well. My eyes can tell me that.

Plus, that would be an admission of his departure. And I'm not so sure that's the case.

Thanks to a 24-7 sports news cycle, stories once buried now have more shelf life. There's more inches to squeeze, more storylines to cover, and more empty web pages to fill. Vick, being the polarizing figure that he is, begs for more coverage and more footage. Even though he was gone for almost two years, it felt like he never left.

Is Vick training in jail? Does he need protection? Why did he go to jail for 23 months when some killers of humans go free in less time? Who's going to sign him once he's free? Will he ever play professional football AGAIN? Should I wear my Vick #7 jersey outside?

All the while, Vick served his penance. Amazingly, he stayed in game shape. His desire for greatness never receded, and is only now complimented by a hope for acceptance. Vick doesn't play through those ancient shadows, but as a new man, his challenge is creating a new legacy.

Through fifteen weeks, Vick's been stellar. He's en route to crush his career-high marks in passing (20) and rushing TD's (8). He's already make light work of the outdated passer rating stat (103.5). And he's got his team sitting in the driver's seat of their division (NFC East).

Sure, I get it. He oversaw dogs getting skulls smashed into concrete. The jury's still out on his resurgence. PETA probably still sends letter to the Eagles brass declaring his guilt. But Vick did the crime, and Vick did the time. Everybody deserves a second-chance. Even a dog killer.

Michael Vick is the undisputed MVP. And I dare you to challenge me on it.

M.B., II

Bohemian Rhapsody

Yup, I've begun the precipitous transition to radio. My dude Yung Knox has a kickin' podcast, and asked me to dish on some NBA and NFL stuff. I know...I don't have a NY accent.

You can check it out HERE.

(Don't worry...I'm coming strong with a Roy/Drexler piece in short order.)

Sizzle and Steak

I've missed you.

I've missed you, Donovan McNabb, with your propensity to skip passes into your receivers, dismissing the praised concept of YAC. I've missed you too Jane Lynch, with your unabashed wit lending comedic decadence to a show not much more than Broadway in a can. I've missed you most, Phil from Modern Family, as your willingness to flirt with your father-in-law's second wife knows no bounds.
You see, I've missed all of you. And I'm glad you're back.

I always the one month hiatus the TV networks take during the month of August to recharge for Fall. Don't you know this is when I can watch the most TV? Sure, I know the Emmy's are the lynch pin between this dreaded abyss, but geez louis...can I get a twinge of situation comedy with my antipasto? For the love of God, do I have to watch "The Situation" turn into our generation's version of Mr. Furley every day? (Mike, please...don't stop doing what you do.)

I hate you, summer TV, with your meaningless baseball games and award shows. You're like a bad breakup. You leave me sans closure, hounding my black book babes for solace, and then you waltz back into my life with your Labor Day marathons, jump back into my bed, and pretend like you never left. You know I'm gonna let you back. I know you know I'm going to let you back...but I keep falling for your spell. IT'S NOT COOL.

With NFL and NFL Lite in full swing and pilot season ready to take flight, meaningful television is BACK. To celebrate, I've performed a reverse Ben Carson. I've fused the two things I love most (sports/TV) into a super blog. Hooray!
There's a monster in my closet, and it's time to let him out.

San Francisco 49ers (10-6)- "SNL"
I am an NBC Page. Like this guy. I commonly give studio tours inside our building, showing off vacant studios while selling NBC's grandeur via endearing anecdotes and colorful performances. I'm quite good at the latter, actually.

During the tour, we always pass the classic picture of the "Not Ready for Primetime Players". And every time, a ribald guest will overture above the crowd: "This cast was THE BEST. The current cast has NOTHING on CHEVY and GILDA! Uhh, who's that black guy?" (Garrett Morris)

Like SNL, people are always talking about the good ole days of 49ers football, at the expense of the current cast. Remember Montana/Clark? Wasn't Jerry Rice great? What's Roger Craig up to? But fortunately, for both franchises, happy days are here again. With Jay Pharaoh's impressions and Nasim Pedrad's growing popularity, it looks like we're in for a little bit of a comedic renaissance. Oh yeah, the Niners are GOOD and that division SUCKS.

Green Bay Packers (12-4) - "30 Rock"
Is Matt Damon becoming the king of season finales? He badmouthed Ari and Johnny Drama on Entourage, then shimmied his way into a pilot's suit to cap off 30 Rock. What's he up to? He's already got that Good Will Hunting Oscar kicking up dust in the man cave, so maybe he's going for that all-elusive EGOT. (Tracy Jordan/Morgan, you slay/annoy me.)
My problem with actors like Matt sliding into TV roles is this: They're way too good. They expose the weaknesses in your regular cast (Tracy/typecast, Tina/too one-dimensional) and blow everyone else off the screen. When he's in a scene, he dominates the scene.

Aaron Rodgers does the same thing as Packers QB. He's a Top-10 accuracy passer. He completed 17 bombs (40+ yd passes) and had 4,000 yards in 2009. But his O-line's awful (as evidenced by the 14 knockouts he took...in the 1st half), and his RBs are close to becoming waiver wire fodder.

Can 30 Rock continue to evolve past the in-jokes to revolutionize comedy? Can the Packers make the Super Bowl with a passing attack in frigid January? Or will we be too busy starting at Matt Damon/Aaron Rodgers to notice?

Indianapolis Colts (10-6) - The Office
He's the only QB to make the Pro Bowl every year this decade. He's the fastest QB to reach 10,000 and 30,000 passing yards in a career. He's had Kendra Wilkinson's boy toy and the man once known as The Nicest Receiver Who Ever Lived (Marvin Harrison) as targets. Peyton Manning is the best quarterback since sliced bread.

BUT...he's only won one title. He got beat last year and brought back the Manning Face (copyright: Bill Simmons). And, with his team making no measurable improvements while the rest of the league got better, is now the time to count Peyton out?
Yep. Just like Steve Carell, I think Pey-Pey's got another 2-3 years of dominance. However, Peyton's got to overcome typecast role players (Garcon/Pam-Jim), aging cagey vets (Dwight Schrute/Dwight Freeney), and discouraging leadership (B.J. Novak/Jim Caldwell) to get to the promised land. And even then, it's still not a mortal lock. (Steve STILL hasn't won an Emmy. Wow.) 8-8? Not inconceivable.

New Orleans Saints (14-2) - Modern Family
I love seeing that birthmark of Drew Brees' face. After winning a Super Bowl, Drew could've easily upgraded to a $40 haircut and touched the mark off with a plastic surgeon courtesy of Dr. Drew. Easily could've banked another 3-4 commercials based on Super Bowl swag alone. But he didn't.

Deftly, Drew Brees has forced his way into America's hearts with his blemishes and flaws. Just like inner beauty pageants for big girls, Brees is here to stay. And fresh off that Emmy love, "Modern Family"'s not going anywhere either. Here's to another superstar season from both.
Arizona Cardinals (5-11) - "Entourage"
Sitting back, slinging it deep, and rolling with the homies was fun while it lasted. Too bad something's gotta give (Kurt Warner's retirement). This series is cascading down faster than a tidal wave of the shores of Lake Titicaca.

Tennessee Titans (11-5) - "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon"
Like "Jimmy Fallon", it's going to take a while for the Titans to come into their own. Like Fallon, they've got a strong base (NBC/Titans' ownership). Like Fallon, the ship is guided by strong, lasting leadership (Lorne Michaels/Jeff Fisher). Like Jimmy Fallon, when it all comes together, it's going to be glorious.

Pittsburgh Steelers (?) - "Parks and Recreation"
Amy Poehler is pregnant. Ben Roethlisberger is getting girls pregnant. Too bad we've gotta wait until midseason to see how this plays out.
Chicago Bears (4-12) - "Outsourced"
Let's have some ad libs fun!

My name is Mike Nolan Rod Marinelli Lovie Smith. My team, the San Francisco 49ersChicago Bears are having problems implementing an effective offense. My job as coach of the 49ersBears is in jeopardy. Perhaps Mike Martz, inventor of the famous "Greatest Show on Turf" and rejuvenator of the Lions49ers offense can help me out. There's no way he'll try to manuever the situation for his own good (destroyed both franchises with his back-biting).

Bears fans, this is a cry for help. At least you'll have those draft picks, right? Oh wait. OUCH.

*(Outsourced = Slumdog Millionaire + hacky comedy. #FAIL.)*

Cincinnati Bengals (6-10) - "Two and a Half Men"
There's only a limited amount of passes Carson Palmer can throw. There's only one half-hour in which to produce a quintessential multi-camera comedy. There's not enough action to go around. There's only room for one funny guy (Charlie Sheen/OchoCinco). I just don't see this working out.

I'm eagerly anticipating the demise of the T-Ocho era.
New York Jets (8-8) - "Glee"
Remember when "Glee" was just an upstart pilot looking for love in the FOX lineup? No longer. A year later, we're dealing with crazy hype, ingratiating exposure, a concert run, and unrealistic expectations. "Glee" is here to stay because we've declared it good with our TV eyes. But it doesn't mean it has to be good.

I don't think "Glee's" as good as it makes us believe. The show's set to expire faster than a milk carton (singing current hits was a bad idea for syndication). The characters have clear, defined weaknesses (how much more can we see the "Proud Papa" look from Mr. Schuester?). Can FOX pretend like everyone's in high school when Finn and Puck start sporting five o'clock shadow?
Unfortunately, this is where the 2010 Jets come in. Too much exposure (Hard Knocks). Too much hype. Too much Mark Sanchez (he's not great yet, and will probably sophomore slump). Too much Rex Ryan. Too much Wood-y. Too much salary. Too many good AFC teams in the mix. I want them to be good, but it stinks too much of the same ole J-E-T-S.

People of the free world, I'm so glad TV's back. Now excuse me...as I set up my DVR box for the week.

Myron’s Rolle’s Dilemma: Books or Ball?

I can’t believe they were saying those things about Myron Rolle.

Somehow, they skipped over his stellar resume. Myron graduated college in half the time, finishing all of his pre-medical school requirements and boasting a 3.75 grade point average…all while playing football at a top-flight school that expects excellence and demands success.

Perhaps they frowned upon Myron’s affiliation with Bobby Bowden, one of the greatest coaches in college football history, a man who finished his coaching career second on the all-time Wins list. He had a track record with defensive backs, refining the skills of veterans like Terrell Buckley and future Hall of Famers like Deion Sanders. Myron Rolle went to Bowden because he wanted to be trained by the best, a man most decorated in the amateur athletic realm, honored by many with the liberal distinction of G.O.A.T.

Maybe they forgot to look at his background, a young man reared by two capable parents, taught to love books and love sports, people whom he praised for his tremendous success.

No matter the reason, Myron Rolle remained in football purgatory late into that Saturday afternoon, wondering when his name would be called. Meanwhile, the experts kept using those damned words to question his motive.

Focus. Resolve. Commitment. Or lack thereof.

And I don’t understand why.

Apparently, neither could Myron Rolle.

“I had a lot of options, to go to medical school, to get (another degree) at Oxford, to enter politics now or keep my foundation going strong. There are so many different avenues I can take right now. The fact that I choose football, something that academics and people in the education realm, can’t really understand, I think shows my testament. I gave up a lot, I sacrificed a lot in my Rhodes Scholarship experience, to stay in shape, to make sure I was ready for this moment right here.”

All-American athlete. Medical anthropologist. Rhodes scholar. Isn’t this the type of story the NFL wants to promote?

But teams were still shook. The word on Rolle heading into the NFL draft centered around his dedication to the sport. Teams balked at his master’s degree and athletic honors. Endorsements from Bill Bradley and Pat Haden did little to bolster his stock. Finally, after 206 players came and went, the Tennessee Titans selected the Florida State graduate.

To the NFL gurus, the choice is clear: Sports over science.

Even when the percentage of talented individuals gaining access is lower for the league than med school. Even when the talent pool begs for folks to choose other professions. Even when the individual in question is an athlete and scholar…and holds a degree from one of the most prestigious universities in the world.

Oh well. Perhaps I’ll never understand.

My Dirty Little Secret

Shhh, I've got a secret.

I never shared this with anyone before. I'd rather not say, but we've been together for so long now. I feel like I can trust you. I think it's something you should know.

I hate power rankings.

I know I know…hate is such a strong word.

Power rankings are the biggest slap in the face to the sports fan. Power rankings declare your ineptitude. Power rankings take your mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again. Power rankings erase your brain cells and leave you walking around your office building like Gabriel from Fences. Sans pants.

During the MLB and NBA seasons, power rankings get swept underneath the rug. Why? Because everyone's too busy, uh, watching the games. Who needs some self-touted "sports expert" telling them that the Bobcats stink. We know this, man. At the very least, that's why we'd put up with the Stu Scott's BOOYAHS! in the middle of a highlight package. And even that's pulling teeth.

But, hey it's the NFL! There's SO much time between games! Surely you, erudite plebian, would like to read a column detailing your team's abject failure! What fun!

Whoopee!

Like I've said before, making a power poll is the sportswriter's Western Union. It's the fastest way to write columns worldwide. (Hey, look…a pun!) If overused, this list can (and will) slowly drag even the best writer down the treacherous road to perdition. It's our MMQ, our Simmons podcast, our way of manufacturing content juuuuust in time to make tee time at the country club. We know that 60% of the time, it works every time.

Why does it work? Well, that's easy. Power rankings create buzz. They generate controversy. They get your average American riled up and ready to talk smack by their first water break.

The bad part? Power polls divert your attention away from some great stories. Like Mike Sims-Walker – a guy who Jacksonville probably snagged for his hyphenated name – actually producing. Or Glen Coffee, whose name looks as fake as the fantasy-esque stats he's racking up for his least-coast NFC leaders. Or the implosion of the highly regarded Todd Haley, the Kansas City coach whose press conferences are bound to be Coors Light fodder by 2011.

Yeah, that's right, Arizona Cardinals! The talking heads and idiots I read in my local paper say you're only the 7^th best team in the freaking NFC. You ain't playoff material! NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK!

But now that that's off my chest, I have another admission to make. I'm going to write a power poll column. (Zoinks!) I've got a lot of random stuff to unleash after a month of dormancy, and this just seems like the best way to unravel without this boring you with an entire column. Maybe I'll defend my placements…maybe I won't. It's just a freaking list column anyways.

I just hope the guys over at KSK don't catch wind of this.

Mike's POWER Rankings

(Brought to you by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and VIEWERS LIKE YOU!)

10. San Diego Chargers (2-2): Because we recently switched over to FiOS at the house, the gents that run the company gave us the Home Box Office network for A LIMITED TIME ONLY. Of course, I was giddy with anticipation. To top it off, Verizon installed their fiber optic do-dad mere days before the season premiere of Entourage. Perfect timing.

Or so I thought. I got hosed.

Every summer, there's that one movie that EVERYONE is anticipating. The movie your co-workers gossip about at your internship's water cooler. The movie that you're not going to waste on a first-date scenario. The movie you spend all summer dreaming about the stirring drama, living and dying with every commercial, adrenaline escalating with every gripping trailer. The movie you buy your ticket for way in advance, and even consider taking the day off for.

And then you get to the theater. And sit down. And realize thirty minutes in that you're really just sitting in on a nicely disguised bowl of excrement. Yuck.

Entourage felt like that to me. Adrian Grenier hasn't begun to remotely develop as an actor (i.e., he's TERRIBLE), Kevin Dillon and Jerry Ferrera are trapped in limited character models, and everything revolves too much around the little man with the melodramatic life (E) instead of the head honcho and his variable personality (Ari).

Honestly, the show left me frustrated. Cameo appearances and Hollywood girls can only hold my attention but for so long.

This year's San Diego Chargers are like that too. People seem to think that this hodgepodge of characters led by a fragile front man with tremendous upside (LT) can realize their potential…but we've read this script before. This isn't the same team. This idea's been done already.

Really, there's only one way to save both Entourage and the 2009 San Diego Chargers. Kick it up a notch. Allow Philip Rivers (Jeremy Piven) to shoulder more of the offensive burden. Exercise Darren Sproles (Jamie-Lynn Sigler) as the explosive running option. Keep Vincent Jackson (Johnny Drama) and Chris Chambers (Turtle) hungry.

And even though it may be hard, don't be afraid to cut LDT (Vincent Chase) loose. You've already put his protection (Lorenzo Neal = Eric Murphy) out to pasture. He's no worse than a wet blanket girlfriend at this point. It's for the best.

Be risky. Be self-indulgent. Be dangerous. Be everything that Norv Turner isn't.

9. San Francisco 49ers (4-1): Am I listing the Niners here in a futile attempt to reverse jinx them for the rest of the season? Yup! You guys know me too well. Sorry Tillman.

(By the way, wasn't it great seeing Mike Singletary for the first time since the Vernon Davis incident? His Coors Light mock conference can't come fast enough.)

THOSE EYES! NOW THEY'RE IN HD! AHHHH!!!!

8. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2): They're the defending champs. It's wayyyyyyyy too early to count them out.

(I'm embarrassed to say this, but I'll be honest: I caved and started listening to Christmas music last week. My first song? Wham's "Last Christmas".

"Laaaaaaaast Christmas, I gave you mah heart but the VERY NEXT DAYYYYY…you gave it ahhhwayyy (you gave it aw-hhayy). THIS YEAR, to SAVE ME FROM TEARS, I'll give it to sum-one spe-cialllllllllllllll (specialllllllllllll)."

How can you resist listening to this song? There's enough unintentional comedy here to keep Craig Kilborn relevant for years. Wait, he's not on TV anymore?)

7. Baltimore Ravens (3-2): Last weekend, I went to one of those sanctioned LSAC law school fairs thingies in Manhattan. (By the way, it’s so weird to hunt for information about college after graduating. I’m officially the awkward old guy at the frat party. Ewww.)

Anyway, I saw a friend of mine strolling the corridors for university brochures. Of course, it was a young lady (a shrty in the vernacular, so to speak). We had a brief conversation, one of those “How’s school now that I’M not there?” (polite chuckle) dialogues, and I found myself just STARING at her face. I was absolutely mystified by how beautiful and intelligent she was.

It only took six months, but I totally forgot how mesmerizing a Howard Woman can be. Yeah, there are oodles of fine women out there…but I’m not talking from the perspective of a slobbering buffoon. (You know that’s not my style.) Howard women (and the rare, stable New York girl that I HAVEN’T FOUND YET) just have this intrinsic quality that insulates them from outside ignorance. They have such unique perspective on their world and the global community. This aura surrounding them seems kind of majestic, almost regal.

I was blown away. I felt like one of the mechanics from “Uptown Girl”.

(In other words, I need to find a wife like THAT. Period.)

6. Cincinnati Bengals (4-1)

Wowwe-wow-wow! I can't wait to see their epic road victory this week on NFL Network. Who knew that a team from Ohio could actually be GOOD? Of course, that means they're a historic collapse away from becoming a Jay Leno punch line:

"Did you hear about the Cincinnati Bengals collapse last week? Yeah, they were 4 and 1 early on and fell rrrrr-right outta contention.

(Makes sweeping gesture with right hand)

That's a darn shame. A DAMN shame. Fell faster than Conan's numbers after I moved my (expletive) to ten o'clock!"

(OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!1111!!!!111!!!)

5. Denver Broncos (5-0): I'm gonna stick them here. I refuse to believe that the Broncos are this good. I almost fainted when I heard Bob Costas say that Kyle Orton was better than Tom Brady.

Wait, WHAT? It's Kyle Orton! From Perdue! With the neck-beard! He's killing fantasy teams left and right! He's this generation's Trent Dilfer!

(Wait, Dilfer retired two years ago? Oops. My bad.)

4. Indianapolis Colts (5-0): Is it possible that after all this time, Peyton Manning's having his first eff-you season? Think about it. He's coming off one of his worst years. His long-time coach handed over the reins to a rook. His favorite target (Marvin Harrison) is cracking chrome domes in Philly, and his replacement receiver (Gonzo) is done indefinitely. They barely beat a very bad Jaguars team. Everyone writes them off. Enter 2009 football season.

Four weeks later, the elder Manning is seen polishing off his Offensive Player of the Month trophy. Coincidence? I think not. This team is GOOD.

3. New Orleans Saints (4-0)
They're the first team to make my boy Mark ("Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, did YOU know that Mark Sanchez is considered to be physically attractive? OOOOooooo!!!") Sanchez look human. Of course in the NFC, that makes you legit.


(Since I started writing these "notes" (which eventually found solace in my blog), I've gotten immense respect from you guys in regards to my writing talent. I am so humbled. Trust me, I appreciate the encouragement and appreciation. But one of the realest sentences I've ever read came from my dude Jarrett Freeman, who put together this masterpiece in his Facebook status:


"I remember when getting high meant swinging at the playgrounds, the worst thing you could get from a girl were cooties, race issues were who could run the fastest, life was so simple and carefree, but the thing I remember most was wanting to grow up."

Wow. Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's great. Remember when (insert sentimental moment)?

Time moves FAST.

2. Minnesota Vikings (5-0) This has got to be the worse time to be a Packers fan. I mean, after Brett's egregious display of fist-pumping with a total disregard for human life, there's no love lost now. I'd feel like Michael Corleone from Godfather II:

"I know it was you Brett. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."
In related news, Vlad Masters has agreed in principle to buy the Green Bay Packers from the state of Wisconsin.

(Wait, this just in…yup, it's confirmed. That last joke just went over everyone's head. Awwwwwwesommmme.)

1. New York Giants (5-0):
Everything rests on Elisha's heels. Literally.

(By the way…I've heard the belly-aching from the twelve Twins fans and the eighteen zillion Yankee haters over the last few days, so it's time for clear the air right quick.


Sure, I'll admit it: The Minnesota Twins got totally jobbed on Friday night. The ump completely missed the call even though it was inside the foul line by a CLEAR TWO FEET, and that fissure derailed the Twins hopes of winning the series. It's the Jeffrey Maier incident all over again.

However, I can't justify a single call dashing a team's dreams. I mean, Joe Nathan (easily one of the best closers this decade not named Mariano Rivera) allowed the anti-clutch A-Roid to yam a homer after Nick Blackburn (WHO?) held us to one-run ball. Carlos Gomez overran second and got thrown out. Plus, Jason Kubel, the man who filled in for injured slugger Justin Mourneau, went 1-14 for the series – striking out eleven times in total.

Yes, you read that correctly. ELEVEN TIMES.

When your cleanup hitter's is batting a beautiful .071 with eleven K's, you're not winning the series. Just ask A-Rod. He knows what I'm talking about.

(Yes, I refuse to mention that Alex Rodriguez has gotten ultra clutch over the last three games. I'd rather keep being surprised by his awesomeness. This way, I won't get my heart broken (if/when?) he chokes in a big spot. Again.)
-----------------------------------------------------
So, there you go. With over 2,000 words in the books, I think I'll shut up now.

Well, actually there's one more thing.

Barack Obama!

(Remember, it's not an article written by a black guy until he's mentioned.)

Got to LOVE post-racial America.

Michael Benjamin, II

"The Butterfly Effect" (and some championship game picks)

My ankle socks sit comfortably in the drawer, admitting their uselessness against the natural elements. Colorful T-shirts from gospel concerts, basketball tournaments, and family trips become faithful undergarments, preparing to shield my birdcage from the slicing wind. Baseball caps adorn my closet wall purely for their aesthetic quality, the cold forcing me to wear a wool cap that completely covers my ears. I pray that my gloves will add warmth to my calloused hands, and trudge forth, steely-eyed and temperamental, to face the unbridled beast.

In the nation’s capital, winter has officially begun. I have ice water running through my veins, and not because I’m unconscious like Reggie Miller at the charity stripe or Mariano Rivera in the 9th. To put it clearly: It is freaking cold outside. I pass acquaintances and friends with a quick grin and nod, covering my teeth before the wind turns them into rock candy. With our local meteorologist predicting a temperature of twenty degrees (with the wind-chill making it feel like two), my body pleads with me to reverse direction and lay underneath my sheets, to acquiesce to the discomfort. I refuse, stubbornly vowing that the weather will not seize the joy from my winter months.

For this weekend, amidst the bitter cold, a new president will be sworn. Unlike his predecessors, however, this gentleman possesses quite a few additional drops of melanin. This individual will be the first of his kind to hold the highest public office in our land, a significant event that may change the course of history.

But then again, any event in life can trigger the butterfly effect. Could I have altered history by choosing to eat my absentee ballot instead of penning in my selection? Can circumstances change tomorrow if I order a cheeseburger over the fish sandwich today? Do I have the power to inspire the Arizona Cardinals to topple the Philadelphia Eagles by picking them in my football column? Eh, who knows.

I do know one thing, though. I plan to keep my Honda Civic parked in her space throughout the entire weekend. I plan to steer clear of the crowds that will flood the district. I plan to fill my stomach with junk food and skip Jeremiah Wright’s speech at Howard University in favor of NFC/AFC championship game action. Simply put, I plan to keep a low profile this weekend and watch some championship football. Let’s Go!

Arizona Cardinals (+4) over Philadelphia Eagles (27-21)
There is nothing more annoying than a fan from the city of Philadelphia. Unlike the Boston fan, who will scream at fans of other teams for overspending while their teams invariably spend large sums of money for their players (Kevin Garnett, Josh Beckett), Philadelphia fans have the innate quality of kicking a man while he’s down. Before the Phillies won the World Series, this haughty attitude towards the art of fandom was held in check and reserved for the players of their city. Yes, I’m black. I want Donovan McNabb to win a Super Bowl to prove all of his doubters wrong. But…he’s wearing an Eagles jersey! Plus, I haven’t forgotten about your decision to play phone tag on our sidelines, sir. McNabb, I hope you have an awesome game…but I need the Eagles to lose. You, dear reader, need the Eagles to lose. WE NEED THE IGGLES TO LOSE. Period.

ESPN’s Bill Simmons brought it up in his weekly picks column, but it’s worth restating in this space. The Cardinals have the chance to beat every other bird team in the NFL en route to a championship. So far (since Week 17), the Cardinals have beaten the Seahawks, the Falcons, and will play the Eagles on Sunday. If Arizona defeats the Eagles and the Ravens find a way to win in Pittsburgh, we’ll have a potential Alfred Hitchcock movie on the reel. Wouldn’t HBO have to use this opportunity to televise “The Birds” on a mundane Saturday afternoon in January? Wouldn’t Bruce Springsteen have to allow Birdman an opportunity to freestyle during the halftime show of Super Bowl XLIII? I’m getting giddy just thinking about the possibilities.

I can’t ignore the 1 Samuel 17, “David vs. Goliath” potential. I can’t ignore Larry Fitzgerald and his propensity to make sensational grabs in the secondary. Who am I to go against a guy who draws pictures of Jesus with his spare time? I can’t pick against this Cardinals team. As Sylvester Stallone said at the end of Rocky IV, “if I can change, and you can change…anybody can change!” The Cardinals…gulp…are your NFC Champs.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-6) over Baltimore Ravens (20-13)
Just like any football pundit, I was elated to see my pick (Baltimore) win on the road, in a tough environment. As my friend Melford wrote on my Wall last week, I even picked the correct spread for the final score (3 points). But let’s be clear…I got extremely lucky. First, Chris Johnson, who was destroying the Baltimore front seven, found himself sitting on the sidelines nursing an injury while Lendale “Fat” White did his best Ron Dayne impression, falling forward for three yards on every run play in the second half. After Alge Crumpler fumbled in field goal range late in the 4th quarter and Joe Flacco got an extra two seconds on the play clock to complete a much-needed 3rd down pass to Todd Heap, I knew that the Ravens would quote “Nevermore” on the Titans’ season. I took a rookie quarterback on the road (a no-no in the playoffs) and got away with it.

However, an inexperienced quarterback against another top-flight defense on the road just isn’t going to cut it this week. Sorry, Ravens fans...but I'm going to have to bail. Unless Sylar Joe Flacco suddenly turns into Tom Brady cerca-2002, I have a better chance of landing a commercial airplane in the Hudson River than the Ravens have of beating the Steelers this week. So, there you go.

(While we’re on this topic, I am perplexed by the amount of praise lavished on the pilot that actually pulled this landing off last week. While the captain did an excellent job of avoiding both the George Washington Bridge and the skyscrapers on the West Side, why are other aerial experts declaring his water landing an impossible feat? Granted, I’m glad to see those passengers safe (with a few minor situations), but shouldn’t we be concerned about pilot training? Check out this quote from the CNN.com story:

"I don't think there's enough praise to go around for someone who does something like this. This is something you really can't prepare for," said former Delta pilot Denny Walsh. "You really don't practice water landings in commercial airplanes. Just the sheer expertise he demonstrated is amazing."

Wow, that's coo...Wait, what? Go ahead and re-read that paragraph. You DON'T practice water landings???? All this time, I thought guys like Jester and Maverick from Top Gun trained these guys on similar tactical maneuvers and all possible forms of expert crash landing. So, though our airline seat cushions have the ability to keep us afloat, most of our pilots probably aren’t
skilled enough to crash land an aircraft into a body of water. To me, that makes plane seat cushions even more useless. What the heck am I paying for? I think John Madden might have the right idea…just drive a bus around the country that emits a huge amount of toxic fumes. Wait, maybe I’m just overreacting. Can someone provide me some clarity on this issue in the comments section?)

Anyway, the Baltimore Ravens are like the Sarah Palin of the NFL Playoffs. Sure, Sarah, you were big news during the election (Wild Card Weekend), creating executive fashion trends and funny Halloween costumes, and you took this nation by storm (Ed Reed’s monster game). Heck, you even found a way to hang around on our news wires (yes, I’m looking at you, MSNBC) a little longer than we expected after the election’s end (beating the Titans). But the excitement has worn off, sister. Let’s stop the charade. You are officially old news. Trust me, it’s okay to walk quietly into the sunset of irrelevance. We forgive you for wasting our time. Hasta la vista, baby.

To all of my Washingtonian brethren (and sistren), be safe on the streets this weekend. Don’t get trampled by the influx of Barack Obama supporters on the Mall. And if you need a buddy to hang with until the wave passes over our city, you know who to call.

Just make sure not to wear those darned ankle socks. It’s freaking cold out there.

Mike Benjamin, II

NFL, College Cliches, and the Best Bro-Sis Combo Ever Assembled!

Fact: College is the best four years of your life.

ENNNNNN! Wrong answer!

I hate it when people use this phrase to summarize their college careers. Whenever someone casually tosses this cliche into conversation, I wince, peer into their eyes, and give them the People's Eyebrow. True, I'm enjoying college, but if this experience serves as the highlight of my life before I've lived my next two months, two years, or two decades of my life, that's a sad commentary in regards to my future. Granted, I'll miss the HBO network and the free Honors Office printers, but I'm not afraid of moving on. In God, I'm ready to take on the next challenge, accomplish the next goal, and inspire others for Christ along the way. These entries serve as a humorous but nostalgic signifiers of great moments and awesome experiences. Yup, I'm getting wistful already.

So, before we get to the next point on the list, let's agree to make college mean more than a stupid cliche quote. And if you haven't been maximizing college life, it's time to get moving. As Ferris Bueller would say, "life comes pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it."

Things I'll Miss About College #3: Going to School with My Sister!

Do you really want to know what love is? (More than anything in the world, Ron.) Well, I'll admit that I wasn't really sure what to expect when my sister, Arielle, formerly accepted the scholarship offered to her by The Howard University to join its few but proud students. (Note: I feel that using the determiner "the" prior to a common name gives that name way more credibility. (The Bronx or The Dark Knight, for example) So, look forward to seeing tons of "The Howard University" mentions sprinkled throughout this blog post.) However, I am so glad that Arie decided to attend the Real HU. I am convinced that her decision to attend our university was not only the primary catalyst that grew our relationship to that of "best friend status", but also provided a sensible but encouraging voice that has helped me to become the student and person that I am today. (Plus, she's probably the coolest person on our campus.) All jokes aside, I am truly a proud older brother who can only praise God for what he's doing through Arielle. By far, Arielle and I are the best brother-sister combination ever assembled! Period.

First, no one has better quips, funny theories, and quick-hitting jokes than the Arielle/Michael combo. Over the years we have promptly constructed a list of approximately one trillion quips, one million cripping disses, and ten trillion inside jokes. To me, Arielle is like the Android 18 to my 17, the Cheryl Miller to my Reggie Miller, the Cece to my Bebe Winans. If you've ever been blessed (or willing) to see a movie, eat a meal, or travel anywhere with Arielle and I, you understand that our dynamic duo is like taking a bite of a well-made cheesecake. You're not sure which section of the cake tastes better, the filling or the crust, but you know that you are consuming an awesome delicacy.

Secondly, Arielle's understanding about women that I would have no chance of knowing (and for the record, still have zero chance of fully understanding). When Arielle tells me not to date a girl, I listen 99% of the time - partly because I know that she's helping me out, and partly because she's just so dang convincing with her explanations. Really, I can rattle on for hours in the space about my sister and her accomplishments (ExxonMobil, Abbott, et al), her talents (poetry, anything using the computer, her geniousness, smiling), or just Christ in her life...but I don't want to sound like an overzealous B-list actor that receives an award at the stepbrother of the Academy Awards Golden Globes. Anyway, you get the point. When I move on from The Howard University this spring, I'm going to miss our time together. As I would say, it's been pure awesomeness.

Since I'm supposed to be a sportswriter, let's go ahead and get to some football picks:

NFC: Giants over Eagles (20-17)

I love watching Chris Berman's "Two Minute Drill" on Friday nights during the football season. This week before the big Eagles/Giants Super Bowl, safety Brian Dawkins dropped this gem during the segment.

"This is what the season's coming down to. Me running full speed into big men."

Really, has the season really come down to Dawkins headbutting 330-pound linemen in the sternum (a la Zinedine Zidane) on any given Sunday? Isn't that the most bleak outlook on professional football you've ever heard? Seriously, doctors calculate that football players crashing into one another on any given play is equivalent to a simultaneous car crash. For the record, you will never catch me destroying my shoulder blades for the betterment of the team! If my coach told me to commit spinal suicide during football games, I would stop, spit directly on his Dr. Scholls, and quote Julius's classic line from Remember the Titans: "Why should I give a HOOT about you, or anybody else on this team? NOBODY PLAYS! I'm supposed to wear myself out for the team? WHAT TEAM? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Brian, you may want to sit a few plays out, champ.

NFC: Panthers over Cardinals (Infinity to Sub-Zero)

Okay, this might be the easiest game to pick this weekend. That's why the network executives argued to shove this borefest into the 4:15pm Saturday slot (because no one will forfeit an entire Saturday afternoon for this). Although I'd love to go against conventional wisdom and pick the Cardinals (so that the G-Men will have an easier route to the Super Bowl), I decided to concede victory to the Cats. Arizona is playing this game without WR Anquan Boldin (who in my definition is the most BOSS player the NFL has even seen), on the road, in a cold-weather stadium, with a terrible defense (who only beat Atlanta because they stopped the cutback system in the zone blocking scheme), the classic previously-underrated-but-now-overrated-because-everybody-talked-about-him-all-week guy (Edge James), and a quarterback who's probably hiding varicose veins underneath his leggings. Unless Ray Carruth breaks out of prison and flat-out maimes a guy on the field, we can all agree that the Panthers will take care of business with K-Ci and JoJo at the running back position.

AFC: Pittsburgh over San Diego (11-10)

I'm still bitter about the first meeting between these two clubs. First, we've got two offensive teams, slouching around in the crappiest field in the NFL today (Heinz Field), playing probably the most meaningess 4:15 game in recent memory. Of course, because I thought that Norv would wet the bed well before 7pm, I sidestepped my homework and watched this atrocity. Plus, my boy Troy Polamalu got robbed of a sure-fire TD that would have started heads rolling in Vegas (Pittsburgh would have covered the point spread). Uhh, not that I gamble or anything. (Ducks thunderbolt) San Diego can only hope that Mike Scifres (the guy who will be the highest-paid punter next season) drops about ten punts inside the 5 and that Big Ben's offensive line will offer Luis Castello 5years/$50 million by opening up the doorways to Roethlisberger's ankles. (It's possible - remember the Giants and Eagles games.) Otherwise, the Steel City rolls.

AFC: Baltimore over Tennessee (16-13)

Ray Lewis! Albert Haynesworth! Who's going to score the most defensive TD's? It's the NFL on CBS! This is going to be like one of those first-person, walkthrough, Nintendo 64 "Rampage" style bouts at LP Field. This summer, I drove by LP Field while in Nashville and laughed aloud. Why? Because I loved the idea of Titans fans possibly being one Vince Young injury/mental breakdown away from cheering hard for Kerry Collins, a guy who is guaranteed to look for cover when he sees flashbacks of the 2000 Super Bowl. (Yup, I'm still bitter.) Plus, without a solid deep-threat (really, the only weakness of Baltimore's defense...ask the Colts), the Titans have no chance of winning. And yes, I know I'm throwing my support behind a rookie quarterback on the road (Joe Flacco). Let's just not bring that up.

Plus, I can't stand the idea of my buddies (Ray and Earl) dancing in the streets of Vanderbilt University in jubilee while my New Jersey York Jets continue their search for the next Al Groh. Life as a perennial loser...you really can't get much worse.

Enjoy the games, everyone.

Mike Benjamin

Let's Shift Our Attention to the Round Ball!

(Editor's Note: This first appeared in the sports section of Howard University's daily newspaper, The Hilltop, on October 27, 2008. However, here...well, it appears unedited (*full length too long to fit in paper*). Enjoy!)

Greetings, my fellow Americans.

In less than two weeks, we will embark on an historic journey. The road will be filled with a myriad of twists and turns, some anticipating showdowns, and even a few highlights. Heck, history's about to take place in 2008, and I'm glad to be one of many writers detailing this year's significance.

And I'm not just talking about the race between Barack Obama and John McCain for the White House.

Sure, on the night of November 4th, both presidential nominees will be squirming in their seats, waiting as the final ballots are counted in hotly contested battleground states like Ohio and Florida. However, days before either man graces the podium to accept the presidency and lead America for the next four years, I'll be watching an jealous Stephon Marbury stare at the Garden hardwood with a towel draped over his shoulders as Chris Duhon runs an improved New York Knicks offense, waiting for his opportunity to throttle Mike DiAntoni as he paces the sidelines. I can't wait to see Ernie Grunfeld, general manager of the Washington Wizards, watch his inept offense from the executive suite while downing cases of Amstel Light, refusing to believe that his 120 million dollar man - Gilbert Arenas - is slowly becoming this generation's version of Allan Houston.

Ready or not....the NBA season is upon us.

Trust me, you're not the only one that forgot about the NBA season. Somehow, I got blindsided worse than Nancy Kerrigan's knee at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships in 1994. Honestly, I have no excuse. I was too busy trying to come to terms with the idea that Chicago's Kyle Orton (1,669 passing yards, 10 TD) is having a statisically better season than Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts (1,531 yards, 8 TD's). Seriously, I'm not quite ready to live in a football world devoid of an operational Tom Brady, or a world that has watched Marvin Harrison make his 'return to normalcy', or a world that has been forced to see Chad Ocho Cinco continue to play with the name 'Johnson' still affixed to the back of his jersey. I was tricked into believing that this NFL season would continue exactly where the Super Bowl ended in February, giving its fans even greater epic feats and broken records. Instead, fans have been seduced into watching the mediocre Kerry Collins lead a undefeated but boring Titans team and wince as Emmitt Smith continues to get 'debacled' and trip over multi-syllabic words. (Emmitt, let's not dance around it any longer...you're just not cut out for work as an NFL analyst. We'll see you in Canton in about two years, buddy.) Let's just hope that some NBA action can ultimately save sports fans from watching this dreadful football season.

Since I'm already convinced that this season's going to be fan-tastic, I've decided to hand out a few awards in advance to some NBA personnel so you can avoid watching them during this upcoming season. Let's just agree to get rid of these nuisances before they ruin our enjoyment of basketball. Plus, now I can avoid giving irrational predictions in this column, like suggesting a Knicks/Warriors final. I'm just saying...

LVP (Least Valuable Player): Vince 'Wince' Carter

Did you know that Vince Carter posted a 24-5-4 clip last year? Wow. Well, now that the Nets are officially gathering funds for the Lebron James sweepstakes in 2010, you can guarantee that Vince (now 30 years old) will shut it down, sign his paychecks, and take fadeaway jumpers for the entire season. He's definitely a guy that I can see in another uniform by February's trade deadline.

Worst Coach of the Year: Larry Brown

I love the fact that GM Michael Jordan decided to pair Larry Brown, a coach known to hate using young players, with a team completely filled with young talent. If you even get the crazy notion that watching the Charlotte Bobcats play this year might be enjoyable, don't be afraid to walk to the health clinic to ask for help. Remember, denial is the first step that people take to overcome tragedy.

Psuedo-Rookie of the Year: Russell Westbrook

Honestly, I think that Westbrook can be a solid player once he understands that being a point guard in the NBA means that he can't take every available jumper on the floor. I'm not convinced that he got the opportunity to gain much point guard experience in college. (By the way, Clay Bennett, those NBA fans you hear outside your window aren't booing, they're saying...no wait, they're booing. Thanks for stealing Seattle's team.)

Least Improved Player: Eddy Curry

When I heard that Eddy Curry snapped the training staff's medicine ball during a workout this offseason, I immediately doubled over with laughter. This is the guy that we expect to benefit from the implementation of the fastbreak offense? Great.

Before casting your ballot in this historic election, get ready for some basketball history to be made.

We're talking about the NBA, where amazing happens.

-Mike "TTK" Benjamin

"They Are Who We Thought They Were!" - Part 1

(Editor's Note: This blog was first published at Facebook.com, where the author had previously been posting his blog notes and such.)

Yes, I know already. I've been slacking on my Facebook "note" game.

Maybe it's because Facebook doesn't let me tag all of my friends and classmates to these creations even though someone can make an "event" or "group" and tag everyone. Maybe because I'm busy trying to holla at girls having a really, REALLY tiring junior year.

Or maybe it's because I'm just a lazy schnuck.

Whatever the case, a ton of people have been on my case to write-up a new Facebook note for their enjoyment. I've even got people scrounging my Profile page for quotes and ancedotes, as evidenced by one O. Chris, a big-time Falcons fan and overall enthusiast of my notes:

"Let me just first say that in reference to your Quotes, Michael Vick is/was a good QB. But, now for the real reason that I came here: I feel compelled to share this with someone and you seem the most appropriate. This is probably going to change, but as of now (Week 5), I think my picks for the last two weeks of the NFL season are as follows..."

After I finished reading O.Chris' lengthy wall post that was capped off by his prediction of a Packers/Patriots Super Bowl (a rematch of the 1995 season that had Bledsoe and Parcells pitted against Favre and the incomparable Reggie White in their primes), I realized that I've never made any predictions for this NFL season. Why not break out the Power Rankings capped off by my Super Bowl prediction in this Facebook "note" as a little warm-up for my school year of blog writing?

(Note: I really should take the time to expound on the MLB Playoffs and lament about the eventual end to the Yankees dynasty and Joe Torre's career. However, I realize that no one (except the Red Sox fans that will gloat at our expense) would care. Howard University is such a football-heavy school (even though our games stay empty), which makes it tough to embrace other sports on this campus. Plus, it looks like the Red Sox are about to take another title...so I'll pass on the hyperbole. If you wanna hear more about baseball and the playoffs in general, listen to the guys at this radio station.

The categories are in honor of the innovative Coors' Light commercials and their coaches; Dennis Green, Jim Mora, Mike Ditka, Dick Vermeil, Bill Parcells. No matter how many times NBC, FOX, and CBS shove these commercials down our throats, I will always enjoy a hearty LOL at your expense. Just keep pumping out the stupid quotes fellas.

Jim Mora- "I just hope we can win a game!"

32. Buffalo Bills (1-3): Looking at this Bills team this season, you had to believe that this was a team that from the outset of this season was destined for failure. Their superstar running back (McGahee) abandoned them for better pasture (Ravens), their quarterback controversy involved a washed-up QB and a unproven rookie (Losman/Edwards), and their only deep threat (Lee Evans) now draws double teams every game, making his fantasy value plummet faster than George Bush's approval ratings. Plus, their coach is Dick Jauron...the same guy who though Jim Miller would be the answer at QB for the Bears a few seasons back. (Guess that didn't work out too well...)

31. New York Jets (1-4): I'll be the first Jet fan to admit that we got fortunate with some W's last season. Two years ago, the Jets had the 4th worst record in football, and was rewarded with a last place schedule las year (playing the Raiders in Week 17). Plus, our rookie OL's (D'Brickshaw Ferguson and Nick Mangold) played lights out, allowing Chad to sit back and dump off passes untouched, and made guys like Leon Washington and Kevan Barlow look like stars. There HAD to be a dropoff, and without a vertical passing game, our goose is as good as cooked.


30. New Orleans Saints (0-4): As America watched the U.S. Saints march on after the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina and sprint behind the wheels of Reginald Bush to the NFC Championship, I wondered aloudl while sipping on a great Checkers milkshake: "Can this team do it again next year?" How can I, a guy that witnessed a resurgence of Drew Brees, as a Pro-Bowl QB leading a dynamite offense (on turf no less)? I was concerned because I didn’t know the name of ANYONE on the Saints defense. The Saints front seven is filled with unknowns that were swept down the Mississippi to revive their careers in the bayou, and Sean Payton has the audacity to continue starting Jason David at cornerback after the whipping Reggie Wayne gave him on national TV in the Week 1 rout. It’s going to be a long season for the Cajuns down under.

29. Miami Dolphins (0-5): Aging, Mediocre QB + an Aging, Overrated D= 4-12 season. They just let Kris Brown beat them with a 52-yarder at the buzzer and Daunte Culpepper get his roll on with 5 TD the week before. Let the John Beck era begin!
(Since I’ve already mentioned the other 3 teams in the AFC East…I believe we can go ahead and hand the Pats the division again this year…)

28. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3): I know there are some teams that have worse records that these guys, but let’s step back and put this squad under the electron microscope for a sec. Brodie Croyle is their guy under center…who was trash in Alabama at QB. Larry Johnson continues to receive death threats from a ton of fantasy owners for his 20 yard performances. Dwayne Bowe returned to obscurity after his breakout game against Norv! and the Chargers. Herm Edwards is still the worst coach when it comes to winning the big games because he can’t manage the clock. (Thanks for the 4th round draft pick Chiefs.) This team just finished being murdered by Jacksonville (a sleeper team at 3-1) at Arrowhead, and need to dig into Lamar Hunt’s grave for a new fighting spirit…or some great draft picks in 2008.

Jim Mora "Playoffs? Don’t talk about playoffs! Playoffs?"

27. St. Louis Rams (0-5): It’s a shame that we have to watch yet another wide receiver (Issac Bruce) slowly erode his legacy as one of the leaders of the “Greatest Show on Turf” by playing down-after-down in this mistake of a franchise. I placed the Rams in this bracket instead of squeezing them in with the five teams that preceded it because I really felt that the Rams would have a serious shot at competing for a playoff spot in their division. The NFC West has no true team that will flat out dominate that division. However, the key to the Rams’ demise lieth in the presence of two elements: The double-white guy system at QB & RB. No offense…but once I saw Brian Leonard lace up his Reebok cleats on the sidelines to replace Steve Jackson, I knew that the fat lady had just sang her last note.

26. Oakland Raiders (2-2)
Once again, Lane Kiffin tries to be the answer in Oakland as the youngest coach to ever lead an NFL team. In a division where taking a bye week makes a team look great by comparison, it’s hard for me to find a spot for this team. I’ll once again roll back to the QB issues (Cade McNown, Culpepper). Even though Daunte scored 5TD’s against the Dolphins two weeks ago, he only put up 100 yards passing. Either of these guys just spells failure in my book.

24a. Minnesota Vikings
24b. San Francisco 49ers

Face it, you’re looking at two teams that are spitting images of one another. Here’s the checklist:
Above-Average Defenses? [CHECK]
Potentially Devastating Running Attack? [CHECK}
Young Receivers That Need Time to Develop? [CHECK]
Coach that Wears Pen in Ear at all Times While on Sideline? [CHECK]
Terrible, Terrible QB’s destined to kill this team down the stretch in every big game? [CHECK]

If they didn’t have such terrible offenses that will allow teams to stack the line on every single down, I would pick these guys in a heartbeat to be in the hunt. However, I have no faith in Tavaris Jackson, Trent Dilfer, Alex Smith, or Brooks Bollinger.

23. Atlanta Falcons (1-4): I really thought the Falcons had a chance to shake up the division this year. Even ESPN.com’s Bill Simmons picked these guys to be the next recipients of his Ewing Theory …whatever that means. Bobby Petrino got a huge break, avoiding having to create an entirely new offensive system for Michael Vick and getting the luxury of having a built-in guy ready to take the blame for his mistakes (Joey Harrington). The defense, while losing top DE Patrick Kerney to the Seahawks, still isn’t terrible and I felt that the ground attack of Dunn/Norwood would carry these guys to at least a respectable 8-8 season. Things went according to plan - Joey came alive in Petrino’s new system and Roddy White learned how to catch passes in the offseason. Unfortunately after the meltdown of meathead DeAngelo Hall in the Carolina game and Petrino’s quick trigger with Joey in Tennessee yesterday, going instead with the inept Leftwich to try and tie the game up in Music City…I started hearing the sounds of an eventual implosion. Why pull Joey after he’s proven to be a solid QB so far this season? (A first for Mr. Harrington) Why bring in the slowest black QB ever, a guy with a completion percentage lower than the freezing point in Fahrenheit?
(Out goes confidence at the QB spot…now enters controversy and team suicide…)

22. Cleveland Browns (2-3): Simply put, if this team was in the NFC, they would be looking at a serious chance at the postseason. Romeo Crennel has finally gotten to a point where the Browns will beat the teams they should beat, and get emasculated by the teams they are supposed to lose to. Since the AFC is just way too stacked with great talent, I figure we’ll see this Mike Martz-led team make waves next season.

Bill Walsh- "I don’t believe I can segregate the two."

20a. Denver Broncos (2-3)
20b. San Diego Chargers (2-3)

Just as Bill Walsh couldn’t separate Coors Light from the definition of cold refreshment, I have also failed in separating this Denver Broncos squad from the sputtering Super Chargers, especially after their collapse at Mile High yesterday afternoon. Denver’s clearly got the better leader (Shanahan), but has failed to stop teams from running the ball up and down the field. San Diego’s defensive front seven is one of the better units in football, the offense holds League MVP Ladainian Tomlinson (LT) in the backfield, but this team lacks a solid leader, a face that the players can rely upon for stability and growth. Norv Turner is a great offensive coordinator but terrible as a head coach (Dallas, Miami, Oakland, San Diego). This lack of efficiency on both teams leaves the AFC West wide open for the taking, with any team in the division able to grab the reins.

Dennis Green- "…and we let ‘em off the hook!”

19. Cincinnati Bengals (1-4): The Bengals remind me of the Colts’ during the Jim Mora era. Peyton Manning and the crew would throw up an insane amount of offense, but their defense was so ridiculously terrible that they would end up having a lot of 9-7, 10-6, and 8-8 finishes. It’s funny that the Bengals team is crafted this way because the front office hired Marvin Lewis FIVE YEARS AGO to fix the problem on that side of the ball. We all know the weapons that the Bengals have in their storehouse (T.J. Houshmanzadeh, Carson Palmer, Ocho Cinco) on the offense side. I believe that this Bengal O is good enough to carry this team to a respectable season. However, I don’t think that Marvin Lewis will be around long enough to see his long term plan grow to fruition. Bill Cowher’s going to have a lot of coaching options once he makes the decision to come back next season.

Denny Green- "Everybody has a chance to get their bite of the apple."

16a. Detroit Lions (3-2)
16b. Philadelphia Eagles (1-3)
16c. Carolina Panthers (3-2)

Looking at the NFC landscape at this point, we have only one solid contender (Dallas), leaving the rest of the conference entirely up for grabs. Setting aside the two shaky division leaders (Tampa Bay and Seattle) and one division that’s totally up for grabs (NFC North), we’ve got an insane amount of teams that can slide into the two wild card spots. Carolina, Philly, and Detroit have a great chance at squeezing underneath the playoff door because they:
a. Have weak schedules because of last year’s fallacies.
b. Have strong, game-changers at the speciality positions. (QB, RB, WR)
c. Are all in the NFC. (Obviously…)

Mike Ditka: "I don’t believe in living in the past. The past is for cowards."

15. New York Giants (3-2): Eli Manning is playing football like a new boy man. He’s leading this Giants team past the short-sighted expectations of newspapers, magazines, and the talking heads on NFL Network. However, the resurgence of this Giant team isn’t to be credited primarily to Eli’s growth as a competent quarterback in the Big Apple. From Osi Umeyniora’s six sack performance on Sunday Night Football against Philly to Aaron Ross’ second-half spectacular in the Meadowlands, we have seen an energized take the cake.

14a. Green Bay Packers (4-1)
14b. Chicago Bears (2-3): Sunday Night was a great matchup between the two top teams of the last 5-10 years in the NFC North. While Brett Favre continues to dispel the myths of his inevitable retirement by looking like a Tony Romo clone with Green Bay’s short passing game (a change in gameplay that even I doubted ), the Bears – with a decisive win at Lambeau – have still shown why they remain the class of the division. (Also, the interception that Favre forced across the field late in the 3rd Quarter might be a taste of what’s to come up in the chesse state.)


(Check out the rest of the Power Poll in Part 2!!!)