Legend Begat Legend

Michael Jackson died this day last year, and I was stuck in an awful Richmond airport.

I'd just finished another interview for a job that couldn't even promise me I'd make rent, and I was wiped out. I sat at that dreadful Applebee's 2 go and ordered an appetizer sampler. Yup, I was ready to take my anger out on my body.

I sat at the barstool talking shop with the local vendor, a gal who kept her steady nod constant to improve her chances at a sweet tip. No dice. The NBA Draft was about to start and here I was, trapped in this airport pub, talking to some disinterested Virginia-hot bar girl.

What a life to live.

Suddenly, his face just flooded the screen. I mean, out of nowhere, I saw butchered angioplasty in my tater tots. I spun around in my swivel chair, only to feel sweaty palms and huge melons on my back. Apparently, I wasn't the only one interested in the news.

The King of Pop was dead. And I had saggy breasts pressed on my back. MJ always had a way with the ladies.

To honor Michael on his one-year, I'm going to invoke his memory in this draft analysis. Each draftee can vibe with one of the King's songs. Now it's my job to rip that Michael Jackson love right out of their chest. Literally. I'm all about spilling blood on the dance floor.

I thought about going through the entire lottery, but why bother? This draft is uglier than Mia Farrow's varicose veins. Or the Chimp Lady's face. (Plus, it gives me an excuse to skip Cole Aldrich.) So, here you go, from one to ten, for my massive celebration of the life of THE star.

(Also, shout out to Large Professor. For no reason, really.)
1. John Wall - "You Rock My World"
Michael's last #1 single and swan song goes out to the top pick in the draft, a guy who's already got the vacant Phone Booth in the District filed on potential alone. Wall's probably the only guy with legit superstar skill, and probably the only bright spot in this super dull draft. Hopefully, he'll move Gil over to the position he was born to play (SG) and run fast break hoops with Flip and Wale on deck.

2. Evan Turner - "Rock With You"
Not a bad consolation prize for the 76ers, who get a Renaissance player with more uses than a Swiss Army Knife. He makes me a tad nervous, only because of his disappearance in the NCAA's and his skill set that screams "BACKUP!" in a normal draft. He's got a lot of good skills, but he's not great at anything. He's a Renaissance Guy.

The Sixers need help. They need fans. They need something to propel them past the Iverson years. Maybe Evan Turner can help that. Maybe he turns into Marvin Williams. Eeesh.

3. Derrick Favors - "Billie Jean"

Damnit. I was thisclose to getting cheap tickets (got Rondo/Brook Lopez courtside for $40 last year!) to see the best player in the draft dance in the Death Dome (Newark, NJ). Now? Here comes the first of many project big men, a guy we couldn't see at optimum efficiency because his guards were so crappy at Georgia Tech.

Russian Mark Cuban...do New Jersey a favor and trade Favors. We are NOT in love with him, I promise. You can't goad me into season tickets with his picture on the cover. I don't wanna dream Derrick Coleman dreams tonight.

Couple him with Avery Johnson's annoying accent, and I might as well be dead.

4. Wes Johnson - "Dangerous"

Quick story: At every summer science camp dance, we used to always spot this girl who had these amazing twirking abilities. Nay, we didn't want her dance out of lust (OK, sometimes), but rather because her moves were like something out of a Darren's Dance Grooves infomercial. It was sultry, vivacious, and downright sensual. Dancing with her was like riding a mechanical bull. Fear gripped our teenage hearts, as we desperately tried to hang in for dear life. Because she always wore a fitted Yankee cap, that became her name. Fitted. It was primal, immature, and always a tad dangerous.

Then, the music would stop, the party would end...and we'd see her face. Always made us wish we'd left before the lights came on just to seal the illusion.

Wes Johnson's this draft's Fitted. Physically, he's a lab geek's dream...a fusion of the good parts of Shawn Marion and Lamar Odom. He performs feats on the court that make you bite your lip. He's got the college pedigree (Syracuse). But he's an entirely different guy when the lights are on. The kid is sooooo dangerous. Which makes him perfect fodder for Kahn to destroy. Gulp.

5. DeMarcus Cousins - "Wanna Be Starting Something"
Hey you. Yeah, YOU. You WANNA BE STARTING SOMETHING.

Even though MJ's words here were written as one of his many latent gestures, I can see Cousins spinning this phrase and using it to frighten opposing men. He seems so hungry, almost as if someone forced to eat Bush's Baked Beans for a week and he will no longer take the abuse. I could see him being addicted to coke; and in the same breath, swearing off drugs altogether. He'll curse you out in a heartbeat, but then shed bigger crocodile tears than Glenn Beck. He could emerge as one of the NBA's greatest hype men, but at the same time, totally dismiss the league.

One thing's for sure. If D.C. is hunting for a seat on a crowded train, mine's totally up for grabs. I'm not gonna even front.

6. Ekpe Udoh - "Who Is It?"
This mysterious, introspective song goes out to probably the most enigmatic lottery pick. Don't know what to expect from Udoh. I want to find more ways to reference him that quoting lines from The Air Up There. Make us proud son.

(Side Note: I always believed this song to be a self-examination of Michael Jackson's career, almost like a running commentary. It's a picture of his mental state, frantically hoping that he hasn't lost his edge and his skills to a now historic decade. While on the surface (and music video), we see Michael referencing a woman he once loved as a cold cheater, I feel this simple analysis sullies his vivid imagination. This is MJ, not Jagged Edge.

I've heard arguments that "Who Is It?" exists as a continuation of the "Billie Jean" diatribe, but why would The Gloved One waste words on a forgotten floozy? I mean, this song came out nine years later. Pulleaze. Why would Michael Jackson even bother to relive the "Billie Jean" scenario? What do you guys think? Do you even care?)

Something to think about. (On to the next one...)

7. Greg Monroe - "Liberian Girl"

Greg Monroe's game and career compare best to this music video for the song. Like the disjointed nature of the "Girl" video, Georgetown was probably a bad fit for him (stresses team game over individual talent). Like the video, there's some talent to be harvested from this eclectic but talented teen. Like the video, we need to see more from him than a highlight reel.

8. Al Farouq-Aminu - "Off the Wall"

I really don't know what to make of this dude. He's either a rotation player here or in Europe. And since he's on the Clippers, I'd bet the house on the latter. Good luck.

Coincidentally, this song describes Big Al's game (athletic, wiry finisher) and the entire Clippers franchise. Yup, those stories about owner Donald Sterling ordering Asian prostitutes and agreeing to continue housing discrimination are TRUE.

Plus, he's still too cheap to buy his team their own building. How someone can be a Clippers fan in 2010 is beyond me. Geez.

9. Gordon Heyward - Forever Michael (entire CD)

Hey, if you see a guy that become a marginal Matt Harpring, you've got to do it! Right? I already rue the day that I'll hear Jazz fans extend the vowel "E" in Heyward's name for dramatic effect. (Heeeeeeeeeeeeyward!)

This was Michael's last album before he fled for CBS Records. It screams disjointedness and chaos. Bringing up Forever, Michael in polite conversation might leave you cruising for a bruising. I'd buy an ice cream sandwich for anyone who can name a song from this album without using Wikipedia or AOL First Listen.

As for our Butler buddy...way to pander to your constituents, Jazz ownership. Gordon Heyward is as useless to the Jazz as their team nickname. (Really? They play Jazz music in Utah?) Heyward almost completely vindicates the stupid Eddy Curry trade. Almost. I actually might finally be able to relax like the guy from the ADT Home Security commercials.

Now...I'M FINALLY ABLE TO RELAX!!!!

10. Paul George - "Jam"
"Jam" was one of CBS Records' kooky inventions - a fusion of funk, new jack swing, and hip hop. The Michael-vs-Michael hoop battle was classic, and I could never hate on the guy that gave us this, but this song just seemed like a throw away to what was a superb album (Dangerous). The song sounds almost as if CBS wanted to capitalize on the new jack swing/jazz groove theme that was the early 90s standard (hence, the incorporation of Teddy Riley).

That's Paul George in a nutshell. He's pretty freaking athletic. He may or may not pan out. But he's a swing for the fences, an All-Star pitcher minus the off speed pitch, a mix tape rapper. He may become HUGE, or remain an urban legend from the rough Fresno State streets. Who knows. Might as well check him out...

Michael Jackson was the greatest artist of our time. He revolutionized the industry, made it cool to wear red leather jackets in the heat of summer, and still gets burn on the wheels of steel if a party's going South. He's the man. RIP.

Enough said. See me in the comments.
Mike Benjamin, II

What???

Everybody needs something to inspire them.

Jesus had our sins and hate from all sides. Ron Artest had the Malice at the Palace. Garfield has lasagna. Travis Henry has his alimony payments. Eddy Curry has his dream concept of a drive-thru Denny's. We all need some inspiration to kick our lives into overdrive.

For me, good music inspires me to write. No, not YOU, Justin Bieber. I went back to my roots, back to my tribe, A Tribe Called Quest's "What?" from The Low End Theory, and decided to take down the big hoops questions entering Summer 2010. (LeBron...please DON'T stay.)

(Brought to you by James Harden's beard and the letter J.)


What's the impact of marrying a Kardashian?
Uhh, that's easy. Genital warts. (I kid, I kid!)

So, Lamar won another title, this time with the ugliest of the Kardashian trio on his arm. If I'm Liza Morales...I'd be pissed if Lamar decided to leave me for that downgrade. It's like Bill Gates using an IPod and immediately putting out a press release declaring Zune's better. Come ON.

However, the Kardashians are all about results, not excuses. They get their men in the end (Kim/Reggie) and win titles (Super Bowl, NBA Finals). Half the time, they even get face time. (Yup, I didn't see Khloe's face either at the NBA Finals...thank God.) So, Kourtney...it's time for you to go ahead and start dating Phil Hughes. Or Joba Chamberlain. I think he could use the pick-me-up.

What will the Nets do with the #3 Pick?

Ooh, what glee! Rod Thorn, Russian Mark Cuban, and Kiki Vandeweghe's corpse get to choose from the tattered remains of DeMarcus Cousins, Wes Johnson, and Derrick Favors! Whoopee!

So, if you're the Nets...what do you do? Draft a player that you don't need (with Brook Lopez beginning to show signs of All-Stardom) or trade out of a bad draft for a player you can use. I think that Rod Thorn's playing it EXACTLY as he should:

As usual, Thorn offered no guarantees that he won't trade one of the team's top two players. There have been rumors that the Nets might pursue point guard Chris Paul through a trade. Since they don't seem to be all that high on any of the players they are likely to get with the No. 3 pick, such as Georgia Tech's Derrick Favors, Kentucky's DeMarcus Cousins or Syracuse's Wes Johnson, they could trade the pick to get an established player.

Sounds good to me. NO gets cap relief, and Nets get a dude to get BL jams. Too bad Monty Williams would be SCREWED.What has become of Ron Artest's legacy since June 17, 2010?
If William Shakespeare were alive in 2010, I love to see him go on a meth-induced rampage, decking those losers that perform plays in his name in local American parks, cursing the women who play the women roles in his plays, and hugging guys like Ron Artest. Because you see, Ron Artest is the epitome of Hamlet. Is Ron crazy, or is he acting crazy?

I love him because while Kobe represents what we want to be, Ron-Ron represents us. He's a character in a forsaken movie treatment, flaws and all. I'd talk more here, but I don't want to spoil the surprises I've got up my sleeve in a few.

As for his legacy, I bet nothing's changed since the 'ship. Heck, the kid gloves are off now. He's got free reign to become the "craziest" NBA player since Rodman. I fully expect to see him sitting on Dr. Drew's couch next to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy in seven years.

What does Kobe's hand look like with one on the thumb?

Pigs in a blanket. Not as good as Jordan's. Not as bad as fat Star Jones's. Is that enough?(Excuse me...just thinking about fat Star Jones made me want to barf. Gross.)

Now that that's settled, where do we place Kobe in the Canyon of Heroes now that he's secured Ring #5? He's clearly in the Top-10 (and a 1st ballot HOF, but so was Jerry Sloan and C. Vivian Stringer). Kobe probably needs another regular season MVP (1 to Jordan's 5), Finals MVP (2 to 6), and finish over MJ on the all-time scoring list (+8,000 points to go). And I think he's still got a-ways to go. Mike Jordan did his damage in 15 years (12 minus the #45 half season and the Wizards years). Kobe's gonna need at least 17 NBA seasons to pull that off. Ouch.

Young Kobe was eager to squelch the Kobe-McGrady debate (successful), and Old Kobe is still trying to define himself as the G.O.A.T. (still unsuccessful). We'll see how this turns out.

What's the deal with airplane food?
Sorry, too much Seinfeld. Reruns on FOX at 11:30!

What would the 2009 draft lottery look like one year later?
Evans-Curry-Young Money-Lawson-D. Collison-Beaubois-Rubio-Harden-Williams-DeRozan-Flynn-Hill-Clark-James Johnson-Casspi. Whew. Last year was really a bumper crop as far as PG's go. If you didn't get one in that '09 draft, you're pretty much sunk. After John Wall...here comes the pu-pu platter.
What would have happened in the '10 NBA Finals if Boston had Stephen Curry instead of Rondo?

Boston would have won, hands down. I wasn't initially sold on the premise, but a long conversation with the Sports Yoga (my boy JL) forced my hand.

Here's the situation: Stephen Curry can shoot. Rajon Rondo can't. Sure, Rondo's super exciting with his thefts and speed layup drills, but that's null and void once we get into crunch time. He's a liability at the line (shot 29% in the Finals) to the point where the C's played 4-on-5 offense down the stretch. With Steph Curry, Kobe's extending his defense out to the three. This keeps Kobe from feeding on those cheap rebounds (which became new fodder for the "Kobe Lover" argument Ratchet Set: See! He can even rebound!)

Check out their splits from last year (2010):
Curry (80 games): 18-5-6, 46% FG, 44% 3FG, 88% FT
Rondo (81 games): 14-4-10, 51% FG, 21% 3FG, 62% FT

The numbers are nearly identical. Remember, Curry was playing with half the D-League last year, so you'd expect those assist numbers to balloon. Rondo was playing next to three future HOFers and a solid center. Danny Ainge, if Golden State calls your personal line with a Rondo-Curry trade, you'd at least have to pick up, right?

Example: Rondo's that amazing 4'11'' girl that you dated for a while but dropped for good reason. Sure, she's hot and generally not a bother to hang with, but eventually...the questions WILL start to surface. What happens when you need to take a family photo? Will you kids be unequivocally short? Can you even bring her to Six Flags without feeling like a rube? Can you resist the urge to use her head as an soft drink surface? You can't. No matter how great she might be at other things, common sense tells you that you've GOT to trade up for a taller babe. Right?

Man, I am such a jerk.

What's the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen?
Faith, or the lack thereof in Dwight Howard.

When the Magic were making noise as the pesky #7 seed that got to lose to Detroit, I penciled him in as a more physical/less cerebral David Robinson, or an upgraded model of Bill Russell. Now? He's fast becoming an weird amalgam of Darrell Dawkins and young Dike Mutumbo, minus the gusto in traditionally static celebratory expressions. And that's if he stays in shape. One knee injury turns him into both Darvin Ham and an obscure Jeopardy question:

For 400: He led the league in scoring for a decade, but never led his team to the playoffs during that span.
Who is Mitch Richmond?
CORRECT! (Applause...)

What did Shaq's ex-wife do to keep Basketball Wives from ending up on BET?
I don't even wanna know.

What's wrong with Mike Di Antoni?
Nothing and everything. He has the ability to draw oodles of talent from retreads like Eddie House, but is notorious for trapping bench players in warmups. He coaches offense like Norman Dale but defense like Shooter. Like Batman, Mike D plays the role of hero and villain perfectly. That's why most New Yorkers'll never realize how terrible he actually is.

I'm in the anti-DiAntoni camp. I think the league's fully implemented Seven Seconds or Less (SSOL) technology, and that any new wrinkles he's added while in the Big Apple have already been debunked and shredded. Unfortunately, I also think LeBron's in this camp with me, which is why he'll won't dare show his face in New York unless he's hosting another episode of SNL.
What can I do to end this piece?
Awwwwwww, here it goes. Out.

M. Benj, II

Let's Shift Our Attention to the Round Ball!

(Editor's Note: This first appeared in the sports section of Howard University's daily newspaper, The Hilltop, on October 27, 2008. However, here...well, it appears unedited (*full length too long to fit in paper*). Enjoy!)

Greetings, my fellow Americans.

In less than two weeks, we will embark on an historic journey. The road will be filled with a myriad of twists and turns, some anticipating showdowns, and even a few highlights. Heck, history's about to take place in 2008, and I'm glad to be one of many writers detailing this year's significance.

And I'm not just talking about the race between Barack Obama and John McCain for the White House.

Sure, on the night of November 4th, both presidential nominees will be squirming in their seats, waiting as the final ballots are counted in hotly contested battleground states like Ohio and Florida. However, days before either man graces the podium to accept the presidency and lead America for the next four years, I'll be watching an jealous Stephon Marbury stare at the Garden hardwood with a towel draped over his shoulders as Chris Duhon runs an improved New York Knicks offense, waiting for his opportunity to throttle Mike DiAntoni as he paces the sidelines. I can't wait to see Ernie Grunfeld, general manager of the Washington Wizards, watch his inept offense from the executive suite while downing cases of Amstel Light, refusing to believe that his 120 million dollar man - Gilbert Arenas - is slowly becoming this generation's version of Allan Houston.

Ready or not....the NBA season is upon us.

Trust me, you're not the only one that forgot about the NBA season. Somehow, I got blindsided worse than Nancy Kerrigan's knee at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships in 1994. Honestly, I have no excuse. I was too busy trying to come to terms with the idea that Chicago's Kyle Orton (1,669 passing yards, 10 TD) is having a statisically better season than Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts (1,531 yards, 8 TD's). Seriously, I'm not quite ready to live in a football world devoid of an operational Tom Brady, or a world that has watched Marvin Harrison make his 'return to normalcy', or a world that has been forced to see Chad Ocho Cinco continue to play with the name 'Johnson' still affixed to the back of his jersey. I was tricked into believing that this NFL season would continue exactly where the Super Bowl ended in February, giving its fans even greater epic feats and broken records. Instead, fans have been seduced into watching the mediocre Kerry Collins lead a undefeated but boring Titans team and wince as Emmitt Smith continues to get 'debacled' and trip over multi-syllabic words. (Emmitt, let's not dance around it any longer...you're just not cut out for work as an NFL analyst. We'll see you in Canton in about two years, buddy.) Let's just hope that some NBA action can ultimately save sports fans from watching this dreadful football season.

Since I'm already convinced that this season's going to be fan-tastic, I've decided to hand out a few awards in advance to some NBA personnel so you can avoid watching them during this upcoming season. Let's just agree to get rid of these nuisances before they ruin our enjoyment of basketball. Plus, now I can avoid giving irrational predictions in this column, like suggesting a Knicks/Warriors final. I'm just saying...

LVP (Least Valuable Player): Vince 'Wince' Carter

Did you know that Vince Carter posted a 24-5-4 clip last year? Wow. Well, now that the Nets are officially gathering funds for the Lebron James sweepstakes in 2010, you can guarantee that Vince (now 30 years old) will shut it down, sign his paychecks, and take fadeaway jumpers for the entire season. He's definitely a guy that I can see in another uniform by February's trade deadline.

Worst Coach of the Year: Larry Brown

I love the fact that GM Michael Jordan decided to pair Larry Brown, a coach known to hate using young players, with a team completely filled with young talent. If you even get the crazy notion that watching the Charlotte Bobcats play this year might be enjoyable, don't be afraid to walk to the health clinic to ask for help. Remember, denial is the first step that people take to overcome tragedy.

Psuedo-Rookie of the Year: Russell Westbrook

Honestly, I think that Westbrook can be a solid player once he understands that being a point guard in the NBA means that he can't take every available jumper on the floor. I'm not convinced that he got the opportunity to gain much point guard experience in college. (By the way, Clay Bennett, those NBA fans you hear outside your window aren't booing, they're saying...no wait, they're booing. Thanks for stealing Seattle's team.)

Least Improved Player: Eddy Curry

When I heard that Eddy Curry snapped the training staff's medicine ball during a workout this offseason, I immediately doubled over with laughter. This is the guy that we expect to benefit from the implementation of the fastbreak offense? Great.

Before casting your ballot in this historic election, get ready for some basketball history to be made.

We're talking about the NBA, where amazing happens.

-Mike "TTK" Benjamin

Draft '08: I've Gotta Get You Outta My System...Seriously.

David Stern:"And with the 6th pick in the NBA Draft, the New York Knicks select..(dramatic pause)...Danilo Gallinari..."

(Chorus of boos ensues)

Stern:"...of Italy."

Danilo, what did you expect? Two weeks ago, no one knew who the heck you were in the Big Apple. Like most New Yorkers, I was still praying that Donnie Walsh (no Isiah, YES!) could pull a trade that could get us one (or more) of these four things:

1. Cap relief in preparation of Lebron's inevitable leap to Madison Avenue in 2010.
2. Derrick Rose.
3. A good point guard/player to run in D'Antoni's system this Fall.
4. Did I already mention getting some money off of the salary cap?

Yeah, it might be tough of New York to boo the Italian, especially since most of us didn't know that Italy had a basketball league until Marbury famously vowed to play there once his contract expired. Really, you can't make this stuff up. Ladies and gentlemen, Isiah Thomas' New York Knicks!

Secondly, the Knicks have had a bad track record with Euros. I mean, the last European player we remember suffering over was Frederick Weis. You know, the guy that will have the stench of Vince Carter's cojones resting squarely on his forehead for the remainder of his life. Yeah, you really can't make this stuff up.

Honestly, once I heard David Stern start talking, I wasn't even surprised to see us take Danilo with the 6th pick. Think about it...we have the blackest team in the NBA. Since Isiah's now out as GM (YES!), we now have a white GM that looks like he's been working alongside Lt. Murtaugh from Family Matters for the past 40 years and has probably decorated his basement floor with empty Marlboro Light cartons, and an Italian coach who roomed and played alongside Danilo's dad on the Italian national team. Did you really think that we were going to pass on Danilo if he was still available at the 6th spot? Didn't think so.

By the way, I hate it when ESPN shows the same three clips of a foreign player once he's drafted. Sometimes, I feel like the folks in Bristol would like to intentionally twist the knife into the backs of every Knicks fan in the United States by showing of clips Danilo laying the ball into the basket as a 6'8'' player. Hey, set it to a track of Stephen A. Smith dissing Kwame Brown in historic fashion. As Bucks fans must know, I don't want to see Yi Jianlian backing down a folding chair in a solo workout or Danilo making offensive moves eerily similar to Ty Hansbrough's array at North Carolina. I want to see my draft pick catching alley-oops like Shawn Kemp in NBA Jam, or dribbling through defenders like "The Pharmacist" at the Rucker. Basically, I don't want my Entertainment and sports programming network to intentionally give me a reason to lay in a empty bathtub with my wrists slit. ESPN, I'm in Delaware, bored out of my mind...so throw me a bone, will ya?

(Side "Note": Delaware is dreadfully boring. Yep, I'm living in Delaware for the summer to work at my internship with CN8, the Comcast Network, and all of the rumors are true. Gas prices are cheap...but where the heck do you want to drive, anyway? My life right now is like an episode of NBC's Scrubs. I'm like J.D., the eager young professional trying to make a mark on the industry, my best friend and his wife are like Turk and Carla (newly married and ready to conquer the world together). Is there an Elliot in the picture? Who's the Dr. Cox of my work world? Okay, I'll stop babbling...)

I fully expect this draft day to be revisited five years from now on an hour-long episode of "You Can't Blame..." on ESPN Classic, right after Bob Ley chronicles Kwame Brown's newfound success as a high school janitor on "Outside the Lines." But for now, I've just gotta be like Lil' Bow Wow and get this incorrigible NBA Draft '08 outta my system. And since I don't stand at a paltry three feet and live in the Buckeye State (Ohio), the pain and disappointment of the draft will be a much longer cleansing process.

Oh well, let's just move on and rate this draft, shall we?

Best Draft Day: New Jersey Nets. What makes this year's draft even harder to bear is seeing our soon-to-be crosstown rivals (Brooklyn in 2010) setting themselves up for Lebron's eventual sprint from his home state to Jay-Z's side in New York in 2010. Not only were they able to rid themselves of Richard Jefferson's salary, but will now be able to market themselves to N.Y.'s Asian community (Chairman Yi) and add talented, cheap depth to the roster (Brook Lopez and Ryan Anderson). Plus, once V.C. decides to sulk and go into full-fledged tank city (watch for the Paul Pierce-esque "injury"), the Nets will be able to start a Devin Harris-Maurice Ager backcourt and grab a high draft pick next year. Lebron, this is all for you.

Worst Draft Day: Charlotte Bobcats. Great. Folks, let's all agree to never allow M.J. run another franchise, okay? Isn't one Kwame Brown mistake a decade good enough for the NBA? Now, we've got to see Adam Morrison hobble around while getting zero elevation on his jumpshot for the next five years, and a perfect college point guard (D.J. Augustin) get ruined by the point guard hater, Larry Brown. The NBA has already done what I'm starting to do on the New Jersey Turnpike...passed old, gray haired do-the-right-thing coaches like Larry Brown Athens by in favor of alley-oops, run and gun basketball (Mike D'Antoni, Vinny Del Negro). Unfortunately for Bobcat fans, your part-owner fails to see that the league has already left his vision in the dust. M.J., I know you like to gamble, but this is ridiculous.

Best Quote: "He's got a lot of tools, he just needs to find the key to the toolbox," Jay Bilas knocking Donte Greene's maturity level. Seriously, how can Mel Kiper, Jr. even compare to this?

Unintentional Comedic Moment: Yup, the guy that got left in the green room unceremionally this year was in fact Darrell Arthur. Okay, who told this guy that he was getting drafted in the first round? It's great when the talking heads start scratching their head and shooting the breeze about what could possibly be wrong with the last green room guy. Bad kidneys? Drug problems? Hmm...it was almost as bad as when Bilas was rehashing Marcus Williams laptop incident in '06 while he pretended to be texting his agent and looking at the floor simultaneously. You've gotta love the NBA Draft!

Guys We'll Still Be Talking About 10 Years From Now: Michael Beasley (sitting next to Rae Carruth in the state penn), Derrick Rose (Top 10 PG), Robin Lopez (best fro-hawk), OJ Mayo (biggest nickname mistake), and Mario Chalmers (about how underrated he is, thereby eventually making him overrated).

Guys You'll See as Greeters in Your Neighborhood Walmart: Joey Dorsey, Alexis Ajinca, Anthony Randolph, Mearty Leunen...basically, these guys plus everyone after the 50th pick. And you thought Simon Cowell was harsh.

GM that probably lost his job due to Draft 2008: Chris Mullin. Yup, you drafted a tall, skinny athletic player when you have three such guys already camped out on your roster (Stephen Jackson, Al Harrington, Brenden Wright) and decided to be cheap when it comes to giving your superstar guard a respectable salary. Now, your star attractions are Monta Ellis and Andris Biedrins and you've lost the respect of your entire fanbase. I think getting your resume and cover letter together would be appropriate right about now.

If you need me, I'll be burning my mock draft notes to roast marshmallows, practicing the revolutionary Urkel Dance, and praying that gas prices can climb back to the $2.99 range. I'll be in Beijing starting August 2nd, but you can check either here or my blog, Points Off Turnovers (pointsoffturnovers.blogspot.com), for updates and information about my China experience! (I'll try to leave the cheesy smiles in the states.)

Enjoy the summer folks. Adios!

- TTK